[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]Is it too late? Is my child in trouble? How do I get to the bottom of what’s going on with my child? I have made mistakes as a parent, what do I do now?
Have you ever had questions like this run through your head? You are not alone.
Far to often knowing whether or not your child is in trouble or is in risk of getting in trouble is often like trying to navigate the depths of an iceberg. We get so caught up in trying to correct the surface issues which often present themselves as behavioral challenges, that we loose sight of what is going on beneath. It is only when we can stop, dig deep, and get to the heart of the problem that we will ever see true and lasting change occur.
But, how do you get there? Let us show you…in this brief video, Glenda Anderson shares her thoughts on indicators that your child may be in danger of heading down the wrong path and what you can do to help guide your child trough this time.;[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fis-my-child-in-trouble%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]
[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]“A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.” MATTHEW 7:18-19
When Jesus came to a tree that was withering, it was obvious by its fruit. He did not mince words. Parents need to know the warning signs and they be able to tell by their child’s behavior if he/she is headed for trouble. Below are what I believe to be the six greatest indicators that your child is headed for trouble:
Disrespect showing little regard for your rules or your feelings
Disobedience stretching the rules, or challenging them
Mouthiness or talking back
Association with questionable friends
Disregard for coming in on time or heeding curfews
Love for music with lyrics that feed rebellion
These behaviors should be totally unacceptable. If a child is allowed to get away with them, his/her behavior will digress. If he/she shows no respect for your authority as his/her parent, he/she will show no regard for any form of authority in school, the workplace, and/or society, much less God. The only way a child can avoid this is if we as parents take our responsibilities seriously and drive the foolish behavior out of him/her. We must watch our children and be diligent stewards of them.
If you are seeing these warning signs in your child, take action today! It is never too late![/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fwarning-signs%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]
[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]How easy is it for teens to get drugs? It’s a lot easier than parents think. For a number of years now, teens have been reporting that it is easier to get a bunch of prescription pills than to get alcohol. With the emergence of new synthetic drugs like Spice, K2 and others, at places as accessible as convenience stores or online, the trend is not going to slow down. Recently in the news, law enforcement officials in Florida teamed up with the Drug Enforcement Administration to put an end to these artificial drugs (here is a link to the article).
HOW EASY IS IT FOR TEENS TO GET DRUGS?
As with all things, when there is a demand for something, supply will meet that demand. For youth, who see high risk behaviors as merely new forms of entertainment, getting drugs becomes easier as the market and supply of drugs grows. From bath salts, to artificial drugs, to prescription pills in the medicine cabinet, the problem is epidemic. Teenagers will tell you that it is easy to get drugs because they are everywhere. So where are they? It’s not solely with some “drug dealer” on the street corner. They can be found:
In the medicine cabinet at home
At a neighbors house
Online
A friend of a friend
At schools
At parties
Years ago, when drugs were not as prevalent, the access was far more limited. But in this current culture, drugs are increasingly the norm and this makes it easy for teens to get drugs. From smoking marijuana to experimenting with pills and trying ecstasy, the consequences of this form of entertainment is highly addictive. This means as parents, the message of drugs don’t work, is not working! If drugs have become easier to obtain and are part of the culture, then the warnings of what drugs can to do you have been ignored.
Years ago, when drugs were not as prevalent, the access was far more limited. But in this current culture, drugs are increasingly the norm and this makes it easy for teens to get drugs. From smoking marijuana to experimenting with pills and trying ecstasy, the consequences of this form of entertainment is highly addictive. This means as parents, the message of drugs don’t work, is not working! If drugs have become easier to obtain and are part of the culture, then the warnings of what drugs can to do you have been ignored.
If you are concerned that your son or daughter has made some bad choices, do not be afraid of any past mistakes you may have made to deal with what is going on. Some common warning signs that your child may be using drugs are:
[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]Pornography has been around for awhile. The ancient Greeks and Romans created public sculptures that depicted sex acts you cannot see in R-rated movies still today. Shortly after photography was invented in 1826, photos of nude women surfaced. From magazines to DVD’S to the the Internet, pornography is available everywhere.
As youth are increasingly exposed at earlier and earlier ages, (the national average for boys is 11), the obvious implication is that access is easier. When there is a demand, supply will always meet that demand. Technological devices merely facilitate the reality that we are sexual beings.
While the mobile pornography market surfaced in the last decade, most do not know that mobile consumption is largely credited in 2009 for saving much of the pornography industry. With youth today accessing the Internet from their phones, PlayStation’s or X-Boxes, tablets, or even a handheld PSP, entry into the world of porn is certainly easier than in the days of my youth where access to pornography was largely restricted to magazines or movie theaters.
One of the trends we have been tracking here amongst youth at the Paul Anderson Youth Home is where they first access pornography. 66% of our current young men have first viewed pornography via the Internet at ages as early as 8. While the earliness of the age is staggering, it however is largely a foregone conclusion that their first point of access will be the Internet. But the next level that we are seeking to discover now is what is the first device they use. Is it a computer, a phone, tablet, or a gaming device like an X-Box. Two recent articles certainly support what we expect to see; that it will become far more prevalent for youth to first see porn over their phone via an application, the Internet, or even an image that they have received via a text message.
Here are some links to articles from the news which illustrate this point.
[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]Glenda shares her thoughts on anger and apathy that we are seeing in today’s youth.[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fq-a-with-glenda-apathy%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]
[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]What do I do if I find aerosol cans under my child’s bed?
Drugs come in all forms today. Even those kids who aren’t using “traditional” drugs such as Marijuana or Ecstasy or Cocaine, are often times experimenting with things like aerosol cans…which are easily found in most homes today. Glenda shares some advise on what you can do if you find aerosol cans in your child’s possession.[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fqa-with-glenda-aerosol%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]
[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]Do I have a child using drugs? It is a question that no parent really wants to entertain. But all parents need to ask the question, because the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (NCAS) states that:
97% of high school students say that classmates drink, use drugs, or smoke
86% percent (almost 9 out of 10) said that some of their classmates were drinking, smoking and using drugs during school
75% of youth over the age of 12 say that pictures of teens drinking, smoking or doing drugs on social networking sites encourages them to do the same
With these numbers, shouldn’t all parents ask is my child using drugs? Youth, like adults, are relationship oriented, so most youth are doing things with their friends, not because of them.
What used to be deviant behavior is accepted and endorsed by the current culture, and every parent needs to take stock. Since youth are using drugs at earlier and earlier ages, asking the question is a preventative step that parents have to take.
Research supports that one of the most important reasons why a youth would choose not to do drugs is parental expectations. To make sure that children have clear expectations, parents have to be engaged in their children’s lives. But engagement is still no guarantee. So, here are some signs that your child may be using drugs:
Losing interest in activities that used to be important to them
A new set of friends that are vastly different than before
Unclear about where they are going to be
Losing their phone or personal items
Change in eating habits and sleep patterns
Unusual odors on their clothes
Mood swings that are outside the norm of adolescence
Consistent negative attitude, argumentative, or highly defensive
Missing valuables from the home
No single sign indicates that your child is using drugs. But when you look at many of these in combination, or simply just have a sense that something is going on, then don’t simply ignore it or assume; “not my child!” Why not your child? Youth in today’s culture see drugs as merely a form of entertainment and an escape from boredom. Every child and situation is different but do not use that as a reason to not follow your instincts or warning signs. Pay attention to the signs in your son or daughters life and be aware of what is going on with their friends and the culture around them.[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fdo-i-have-a-child-using-drugs%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]
EMMA PAYNE, ADVANCEMENT ASSOCIATE, PAUL ANDERSON YOUTH HOME VISIT HERE
Unless you’ve been living under a rock in recent years, you’re probably aware of the rampant prevalence of drugs and alcohol in our culture. Whether you realize it or not, many of your friends, family, and acquaintances struggle with substance abuse and addiction, and the celebration of the casual use and abuse of drugs and alcohol can be found in most of the songs, television shows, social media accounts, and magazine headlines of today’s pop culture. If you doubt this, just turn on your radio; I am confident that it won’t take long to change your mind. In fact, as I write this, four of the top five songs on Billboard Magazine’s Top 100 ranking for this week include references to drugs or alcohol.
You may be thinking, “Surely substance abuse is not that common. I don’t know anyone who uses drugs!” Let’s look at some of the data. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s 2015 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 27.1 million people aged 12 or older used an illicit drug in the previous 30 days, which corresponds to about 1 in 10 Americans. 22.2 million individuals aged 12 or older reported current marijuana use, and 3.8 million people aged 12 or older reported current misuse of prescription pain relievers. 52.0 million people aged 12 or older were current cigarette smokers, while 30.2 million of these individuals were daily cigarette smokers, including 12.4 million who smoked approximately a pack or more of cigarettes per day. 138.3 million Americans aged 12 or older reported current use of alcohol, including 66.7 million who reported binge alcohol use in the past month and 17.3 million who reported heavy alcohol use in the past month. Approximately 20.8 million people aged 12 or older had a disorder related to their abuse of alcohol or illicit drugs in the past year.
Unfortunately, individuals are using drugs and alcohol at increasingly younger ages. The majority of the young men who come to the Paul Anderson Youth Home are caught in the throes of substance abuse and addiction. Some of them were exposed to drugs and alcohol as early as age 7. Within a month of turning 13, Jonathan, one of our alumni, had his first experience with alcohol and marijuana. It wasn’t long before he began selling pot; doing so allowed him to make money, get high for free, and gain popularity. By his freshman year of college, Jonathan was also selling ecstasy and cocaine. He had grown to personally prefer the easy-to-conceal cocaine, had also used ecstasy and heroin, and had no trouble finding customers amongst his peers at the private, Christian-affiliated college he attended. His world came crumbling down when some of the students’ parents brought their concerns about Jonathan to the school officials and he was ultimately arrested.
As parents, it’s easy for us to think, “I hear you, but my kid would never do something like that.” This is a dangerous assumption. Jonathan was raised in a two-parent household by his loving family who ate dinner together every night and attended church together twice every week. They lived in a nice, safe neighborhood, and Jonathan went to private schools. His circumstances set him up for a successful life, and looking at him, no one would have ever guessed the level of deception, addiction, and darkness that consumed him. We must be wary when we find ourselves saying that our children are the exception. In fact, we should assume at the very least that they might encounter these temptations amongst their classmates at school, teammates at practice, or acquaintances at club. Talk to your kids, ask them questions, listen to their answers, and have honest conversations about drugs and alcohol. Know their friends and always be aware of where they are spending time. Monitor their cell phone and social media use. Stay involved and don’t ignore any red flags you might see or sense. Your children may feel hurt by what they perceive as mistrust, but sweeping any concerns you have under the rug won’t do them any favors.
None of this is meant to scare you, but rather to alert you to the dangers and temptations your children are facing. No adolescent is exempt from peer pressure, and as a parent, knowledge is power. Do you want to hear some good news? Jonathan made a full recovery from his addiction and the life of deception he had so tediously built. He salvaged his broken relationships, graduated college, fell in love, got married, and started a family. The Lord has restored his life, and consequently, he has an amazing testimony to share. As parents, let’s learn from Jonathan’s story. Be aware, be diligent, and remember that God is faithful and merciful when we fall short.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Before coming to the Paul Anderson Youth Home (PAYH) at age 18, Billy was a drug addict, an alcoholic, and was being held in jail on two counts of burglary, two DUI’s, fleeing an officer, and five other misdemeanors. Statistically, Billy’s future was a life of incarceration, addiction, unemployment, limited education, and unhealthy family patterns. Instead, almost 25 years later, Billy is now a husband, father of three, college graduate with an MBA, and an Owner/Operator of a Chick-fil-A. That is a radical change from the young man who ran away from his home at the age of 16.
When Billy ran away from home, it was because he never really felt loved by his parents. He never believed anything good about himself nor was confident that he could accomplish anything. His actions followed his beliefs. He became a high school dropout, lived on the street, and literally slept on the side of the road for four months. It seemed that if he drank enough, he could sleep anywhere. He would rather be high and hungry than sober and full. The only joy he knew came from drugs and that was okay with him. He believed this about life: in this world, you have to take what you want.
LOOKING IN THE MIRROR Coming to the PAYH was a radical departure from the life he had been living of breaking into construction sites so that he could find buildings to sleep in, stealing food and living with no authority but his own. From his first morning when he woke up at 6am to run, along with new rules, expectations and strict discipline the transition was not easy. Slowly he began to change in ways he had not expected. One night, after he had been in the program for several months, Billy looked at his reflection in the gym mirror.
At the Home he had been exercising, working out, eating right and had a brand new wardrobe. Seeing himself in the mirror that night, for the first time in his life he thought, “I might go to college.” He had a new sense of hope. After all, he had changed physically in ways that he had never dreamed possible. He was in the best physical shape of his life. He was off drugs and alcohol. He felt like a new man.
As he began to consider all the things the PAYH provided for him, the opportunities he had for change, growth and hope, he realized that everything the staff did with and for him was for his own good, and it was working. Instead of a lengthy jail sentence, he had learned to work, study, get in shape, act socially, and become disciplined in every aspect of his life. What he had been taught was making him better and he liked himself for the very first time. So he began to really pay attention to what the program offered him and what the staff was saying to him. He began to ask questions. Soon, he accepted Christ as his savior. On July 25, 1990, Billy graduated from the Paul Anderson Youth Home and headed off to college.
The year and a half at the PAYH made an eternal difference in his life and others. Going from a high school dropout to a college graduate with a Master’s degree is by all definitions, a radical change. Certainly the long-term financial value of rescuing one life is significant. A Vanderbilt study places the value of rescuing a youth like Billy between $3.1 and $5.2 million dollars. While that number is staggering, it doesn’t compare to the real impact that one changed life can have on others. Billy is a sterling example of this truth. For all those who Billy knows and loves, they understand his real value far more than any number can adequately measure. While working at Chick-fil-A in Boston, he met and eventually married Christine. They have been married since 2002 and together they have three beautiful children; Aron, Roby, and Paige. As a father, Billy intentionally raises his children to know they are loved. He works to maintain a feeling of safety and confidence in his home so that his wife and children never have to experience the insecurity he felt growing up. His life is motivated by love.
Those he leads at work see the same motivation in his actions. As an Owner/Operator for Chick-fil-A, at any given time, he has around seventy employees working for him. It only takes a few brief moments with his team members to realize Billy is an exceptional man. More than just a boss, Billy knows and cares about his employees. More than fifteen years after he began managing employees in Boston, many of those he hired, only sixteen or seventeen years old at the time, still keep in touch with Billy. They still call him the greatest boss ever. Recently, when he moved to a new store, many of his employees from his old store followed him. To them, he is much more than just a boss. He is a father figure and a friend, someone they depend on for advice. Someone they trust to care. Those Chick-fil-A team members have families. Some who have wives, husbands, and children regard Billy as being a part of their family. All of them are impacted by his generous spirit.
It is seeing Billy through their eyes that gives you an idea of just how significant his impact is on others. When you begin to look at the ripple effect that took place in Billy’s life, both within his home and those with he works, you truly get a sense of the immeasurable value of one redeemed life. After having received so much through the kindness of others, Billy knows no other way to live his life than in service. To Billy, caring for people is the ultimate expression of that service and how he lives his life. Billy epitomizes what the PAYH desires for all our young men: that they would be assets to society rather than liabilities. Givers rather than takers. What Billy has learned from his experiences is something he himself feels fortunate to have learned when he did; that it is far better to give than to receive. Change starts with one! One that did not become a statistic, but a husband, father, employer, friend, and mentor.
Together, we can create more opportunities for change for young men like Billy. Make a contribution today that will provide another young man with the opportunity to change his story.
Please go to PAYH at info@payh.org or call 800-559-7294 to make a donation[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Get a jump start on teaching practical lessons to your children right now, starting with decision making and then building on each life skill lesson as your children grow.
1 – Decision-Making Skills
Making good decisions is a life skill every child should begin learning at a young age.
Begin with basic decisions like chocolate versus vanilla ice cream, blue socks or white socks, playing trains or playing cars. When kids reach elementary school age they can begin learning about the rewards of good decisions and the consequences of bad decisions.
Walk them through the many steps of decision making. Help them weigh their options, evaluate the pros and cons of that decision and then let them make the final decision to see how things play out.
2 – Health and Hygiene
Your kids are never too young to begin learning about health and hygiene. In our hectic day-to-day shuffle, we’re always telling our kids to take a bath, brush their teeth, wash their hands, and change their underwear. We never tell them why, though.
Explain why health and hygiene are always going to be crucial parts of their days. As your children begin learning about this life skill, set up a chart that allows them to check off each task as they complete it.
When these healthy habits are established over time, take away the chart and your kids will mentally go through the checklist throughout the day without you having to continually remind them.
3 -Time Management
Every parent knows how important time management is to keep your family on track. But it’s also important for kids to start learning time management lessons now.
Not only does teaching younger children how to measure time, stay on task and keep to a schedule help make your days easier, learning this life skill also helps them become masters of time so they can do everything from get up on schedule to someday getting to work on time.
4 – Meal Prep
Even the youngest children can learn how to prepare a meal in the kitchen. We’re not talking about a five-course dinner, of course, but you can teach preschoolers how to fix a sandwich and elementary school kids can be taught how to use the microwave. And from tots to teens, your kids can be your sous chefs when it comes time for you to cook.
As your children become more confident in the kitchen, they can add on other meal prep life skills like learning how to bag their own lunch, make healthy food choices, cook a simple meal on the stove with adult supervision and plan their own meals.
5 – Money Management
We teach our kids to count. We teach our kids basic math. We can take those lessons further and turn them into life skills they can begin using right now.
Money management is something adults have trouble with. Now’s the perfect time to start teaching your children about money, its importance and how to manage it so they’ll be better prepared when they start earning a paycheck of their own.
Teach your kids effective money management so they can learn how to save, spend wisely, make change, and understand that writing a check or using a credit card isn’t free money.
6 – Cleaning
Sometimes it’s easier for parents to do all of the housekeeping themselves. It’s a missed opportunity for us to teach our kids how to keep the house clean, which they’ll eventually need to know when they leave for college and someday have a house of their own to take care of.
Start with age-appropriate chore charts that include learning how to make the bed, empty the dishwasher and dust. Also, think of the daily messes your kids make and how they can clean up after themselves.
For example, keep a towel or sponge in the bathroom that lets kids wipe away those globs of toothpaste they leave on the counter. Since toys magically move from room to room in your house, keep a basket kids can throw them all in to take back to their own bedroom at the end of the day.
Set a daily housekeeping schedule to make cleaning a part of their routine and stick to it.
7 – Laundry
If you have kids, you have a lot of laundry. Teaching your children how to wash, fold and put away their laundry is not only a life skill that will help them, it will also help you.
Toddlers can learn a lot by helping you with laundry, such as sorting clothes by color and understanding textures. As they grow, kids can start putting the clothes in the washer and transferring them to the dryer. Elementary school children can then learn how to operate the washing machine and dryer and how much laundry detergent is needed.
As laundry comes out of the dryer, you can show them how to fold their clothes and put them away. Pretty soon, they’ll be handling all of their laundry on their own.
8 – Comparison Shopping
“I want it! I want it! I want it!” How many times have you heard this when your kids spot candy, a toy, a T-shirt, a fish, or just about anything else you can think of that kids think they’ve got to have right now?
When we’re grown-ups we understand the value of the dollar and the importance of comparison shopping. However, we often overlook this valuable life skill we should be teaching our children.
The next time you’re standing in the store caught between a hefty price tag and a child demanding for you to fork over your cash, take the time to get your phone out and search for the item on a variety of shopping sites. Show your kids how much that item costs at other stores and what comparable items there are that may be of better quality.
Maybe the one in the store where you are is the best deal and top product after all. But teaching kids to be smart shoppers and taking the time to comparison shop will help them save money everywhere they go while also making smart decisions on the types of products they choose.
9 – Ordering at Restaurants
As parents, we tend to place our children’s orders at restaurants just to make things easier on the server. However, letting our kids order for themselves is fun for them and builds confidence.
Many restaurants have picture menus on the kids’ menu so preschoolers can begin by circling or coloring what they want to eat. As that confidence grows, kids can begin verbally telling the server what they would like, from the entrée to the sides. Remind the kids to practice good manners by saying please and thank you after they order.
10 – Getting Ready
Kids can learn how to get ready on their own at an early age. Let them pick out the clothes they’ll wear the next day before they go to bed. Choose an alarm clock that’s easy for them to set. Lay out their hairbrush and toothbrush. Use visuals to illustrate the whole process.
For example, take a picture of the alarm clock, their clothes, another one of their toothbrush, then hairbrush and even the potty to remind them to go before you head out the door. The pictures are daily flashcards until they get in the habit of getting ready all on their own.
11 – Maintenance Around the House
Kids love to be your big helper and there’s always light maintenance around the house that they can pitch in to do.
Easy tasks include showing them how to change the toilet paper roll or bag up the trash. Older children can learn how to change a light bulb, unclog a drain and change, the vacuum cleaner bag.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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