What Are The Warning Signs That My Child Is Headed For Trouble?

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By Payh Staff

[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]“A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.” MATTHEW 7:18-19

When Jesus came to a tree that was withering, it was obvious by its fruit. He did not mince words. Parents need to know the warning signs and they be able to tell by their child’s behavior if he/she is headed for trouble. Below are what I believe to be the six greatest indicators that your child is headed for trouble:

  1. Disrespect showing little regard for your rules or your feelings
  2. Disobedience stretching the rules, or challenging them
  3. Mouthiness or talking back
  4. Association with questionable friends
  5. Disregard for coming in on time or heeding curfews
  6. Love for music with lyrics that feed rebellion

These behaviors should be totally unacceptable. If a child is allowed to get away with them, his/her behavior will digress. If he/she shows no respect for your authority as his/her parent, he/she will show no regard for any form of authority in school, the workplace, and/or society, much less God. The only way a child can avoid this is if we as parents take our responsibilities seriously and drive the foolish behavior out of him/her. We must watch our children and be diligent stewards of them.

If you are seeing these warning signs in your child, take action today! It is never too late![/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fwarning-signs%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]

How easy is it for teens to get drugs

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By Payh Staff

[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]How easy is it for teens to get drugs? It’s a lot easier than parents think. For a number of years now, teens have been reporting that it is easier to get a bunch of prescription pills than to get alcohol. With the emergence of new synthetic drugs like Spice, K2 and others, at places as accessible as convenience stores or online, the trend is not going to slow down. Recently in the news, law enforcement officials in Florida teamed up with the Drug Enforcement Administration to put an end to these artificial drugs (here is a link to the article).

HOW EASY IS IT FOR TEENS TO GET DRUGS?

As with all things, when there is a demand for something, supply will meet that demand. For youth, who see high risk behaviors as merely new forms of entertainment, getting drugs becomes easier as the market and supply of drugs grows. From bath salts, to artificial drugs, to prescription pills in the medicine cabinet, the problem is epidemic. Teenagers will tell you that it is easy to get drugs because they are everywhere. So where are they? It’s not solely with some “drug dealer” on the street corner. They can be found:

  • In the medicine cabinet at home
  • At a neighbors house
  • Online
  • A friend of a friend
  • At schools
  • At parties

Years ago, when drugs were not as prevalent, the access was far more limited. But in this current culture, drugs are increasingly the norm and this makes it easy for teens to get drugs. From smoking marijuana to experimenting with pills and trying ecstasy, the consequences of this form of entertainment is highly addictive. This means as parents, the message of drugs don’t work, is not working! If drugs have become easier to obtain and are part of the culture, then the warnings of what drugs can to do you have been ignored.

Years ago, when drugs were not as prevalent, the access was far more limited. But in this current culture, drugs are increasingly the norm and this makes it easy for teens to get drugs. From smoking marijuana to experimenting with pills and trying ecstasy, the consequences of this form of entertainment is highly addictive. This means as parents, the message of drugs don’t work, is not working! If drugs have become easier to obtain and are part of the culture, then the warnings of what drugs can to do you have been ignored.

If you are concerned that your son or daughter has made some bad choices, do not be afraid of any past mistakes you may have made to deal with what is going on. Some common warning signs that your child may be using drugs are:

  • Mood swings
  • Violations of curfew and other family rules
  • Rigid negative attitude, argumentative, highly defensive
  • Change in eating habits and sleep patterns
  • Decline in attendance or performance at school
  • Losing interest in school, sports or other activities that used to be important
  • Uncharacteristic withdrawal from family and positive friends
  • Heightened secrecy about new friends, whereabouts or possessions
  • Missing money, jewelry and valuables from the house

[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fhow-easy-is-it-for-teens-to-get-drugs%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Mobile Pornography

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By Payh Staff

[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]Pornography has been around for awhile. The ancient Greeks and Romans created public sculptures that depicted sex acts you cannot see in R-rated movies still today. Shortly after photography was invented in 1826, photos of nude women surfaced. From magazines to DVD’S to the the Internet, pornography is available everywhere.

As youth are increasingly exposed at earlier and earlier ages, (the national average for boys is 11), the obvious implication is that access is easier. When there is a demand, supply will always meet that demand. Technological devices merely facilitate the reality that we are sexual beings.

While the mobile pornography market surfaced in the last decade, most do not know that mobile consumption is largely credited in 2009 for saving much of the pornography industry. With youth today accessing the Internet from their phones, PlayStation’s or X-Boxes, tablets, or even a handheld PSP, entry into the world of porn is certainly easier than in the days of my youth where access to pornography was largely restricted to magazines or movie theaters.

One of the trends we have been tracking here amongst youth at the Paul Anderson Youth Home is where they first access pornography. 66% of our current young men have first viewed pornography via the Internet at ages as early as 8. While the earliness of the age is staggering, it however is largely a foregone conclusion that their first point of access will be the Internet. But the next level that we are seeking to discover now is what is the first device they use. Is it a computer, a phone, tablet, or a gaming device like an X-Box. Two recent articles certainly support what we expect to see; that it will become far more prevalent for youth to first see porn over their phone via an application, the Internet, or even an image that they have received via a text message.

Here are some links to articles from the news which illustrate this point.

Use the links below to read the full article:
Students suspended for viewing porn in class
Sexting rates higher than previously thought[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fmobile-pornography%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Q&A with Glenda: Apathy

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By Glenda Anderson Leonard

[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]Glenda shares her thoughts on anger and apathy that we are seeing in today’s youth.[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fq-a-with-glenda-apathy%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Q&A with Glenda: Aerosol

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By Glenda Anderson

[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]What do I do if I find aerosol cans under my child’s bed?

Drugs come in all forms today. Even those kids who aren’t using “traditional” drugs such as Marijuana or Ecstasy or Cocaine, are often times experimenting with things like aerosol cans…which are easily found in most homes today. Glenda shares some advise on what you can do if you find aerosol cans in your child’s possession.[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fqa-with-glenda-aerosol%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Do I have a child using drugs?

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By Payh Staff

[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]Do I have a child using drugs? It is a question that no parent really wants to entertain. But all parents need to ask the question, because the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (NCAS) states that:

  • 97% of high school students say that classmates drink, use drugs, or smoke
  • 86% percent (almost 9 out of 10) said that some of their classmates were drinking, smoking and using drugs during school
  • 75% of youth over the age of 12 say that pictures of teens drinking, smoking or doing drugs on social networking sites encourages them to do the same

With these numbers, shouldn’t all parents ask is my child using drugs? Youth, like adults, are relationship oriented, so most youth are doing things with their friends, not because of them.

What used to be deviant behavior is accepted and endorsed by the current culture, and every parent needs to take stock. Since youth are using drugs at earlier and earlier ages, asking the question is a preventative step that parents have to take.

Research supports that one of the most important reasons why a youth would choose not to do drugs is parental expectations. To make sure that children have clear expectations, parents have to be engaged in their children’s lives. But engagement is still no guarantee. So, here are some signs that your child may be using drugs:

  • Losing interest in activities that used to be important to them
  • A new set of friends that are vastly different than before
  • Unclear about where they are going to be
  • Losing their phone or personal items
  • Change in eating habits and sleep patterns
  • Unusual odors on their clothes
  • Mood swings that are outside the norm of adolescence
  • Consistent negative attitude, argumentative, or highly defensive
  • Missing valuables from the home

No single sign indicates that your child is using drugs. But when you look at many of these in combination, or simply just have a sense that something is going on, then don’t simply ignore it or assume; “not my child!” Why not your child? Youth in today’s culture see drugs as merely a form of entertainment and an escape from boredom. Every child and situation is different but do not use that as a reason to not follow your instincts or warning signs. Pay attention to the signs in your son or daughters life and be aware of what is going on with their friends and the culture around them.[/vc_column_text][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][dt_default_button link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.payh.org%2Fdo-i-have-a-child-using-drugs%2F||target:%20_blank|” size=”big”]PAYH.ORG[/dt_default_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]

NOT MY KID!

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EMMA PAYNE, ADVANCEMENT ASSOCIATE, PAUL ANDERSON YOUTH HOME VISIT HERE

Unless you’ve been living under a rock in recent years, you’re probably aware of the rampant prevalence of drugs and alcohol in our culture. Whether you realize it or not, many of your friends, family, and acquaintances struggle with substance abuse and addiction, and the celebration of the casual use and abuse of drugs and alcohol can be found in most of the songs, television shows, social media accounts, and magazine headlines of today’s pop culture. If you doubt this, just turn on your radio; I am confident that it won’t take long to change your mind. In fact, as I write this, four of the top five songs on Billboard Magazine’s Top 100 ranking for this week include references to drugs or alcohol.

You may be thinking, “Surely substance abuse is not that common. I don’t know anyone who uses drugs!” Let’s look at some of the data. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s 2015 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 27.1 million people aged 12 or older used an illicit drug in the previous 30 days, which corresponds to about 1 in 10 Americans. 22.2 million individuals aged 12 or older reported current marijuana use, and 3.8 million people aged 12 or older reported current misuse of prescription pain relievers. 52.0 million people aged 12 or older were current cigarette smokers, while 30.2 million of these individuals were daily cigarette smokers, including 12.4 million who smoked approximately a pack or more of cigarettes per day. 138.3 million Americans aged 12 or older reported current use of alcohol, including 66.7 million who reported binge alcohol use in the past month and 17.3 million who reported heavy alcohol use in the past month. Approximately 20.8 million people aged 12 or older had a disorder related to their abuse of alcohol or illicit drugs in the past year.

Unfortunately, individuals are using drugs and alcohol at increasingly younger ages. The majority of the young men who come to the Paul Anderson Youth Home are caught in the throes of substance abuse and addiction. Some of them were exposed to drugs and alcohol as early as age 7. Within a month of turning 13, Jonathan, one of our alumni, had his first experience with alcohol and marijuana. It wasn’t long before he began selling pot; doing so allowed him to make money, get high for free, and gain popularity. By his freshman year of college, Jonathan was also selling ecstasy and cocaine. He had grown to personally prefer the easy-to-conceal cocaine, had also used ecstasy and heroin, and had no trouble finding customers amongst his peers at the private, Christian-affiliated college he attended. His world came crumbling down when some of the students’ parents brought their concerns about Jonathan to the school officials and he was ultimately arrested.

As parents, it’s easy for us to think, “I hear you, but my kid would never do something like that.” This is a dangerous assumption. Jonathan was raised in a two-parent household by his loving family who ate dinner together every night and attended church together twice every week. They lived in a nice, safe neighborhood, and Jonathan went to private schools. His circumstances set him up for a successful life, and looking at him, no one would have ever guessed the level of deception, addiction, and darkness that consumed him. We must be wary when we find ourselves saying that our children are the exception. In fact, we should assume at the very least that they might encounter these temptations amongst their classmates at school, teammates at practice, or acquaintances at club. Talk to your kids, ask them questions, listen to their answers, and have honest conversations about drugs and alcohol. Know their friends and always be aware of where they are spending time. Monitor their cell phone and social media use. Stay involved and don’t ignore any red flags you might see or sense. Your children may feel hurt by what they perceive as mistrust, but sweeping any concerns you have under the rug won’t do them any favors.

None of this is meant to scare you, but rather to alert you to the dangers and temptations your children are facing. No adolescent is exempt from peer pressure, and as a parent, knowledge is power. Do you want to hear some good news? Jonathan made a full recovery from his addiction and the life of deception he had so tediously built. He salvaged his broken relationships, graduated college, fell in love, got married, and started a family. The Lord has restored his life, and consequently, he has an amazing testimony to share. As parents, let’s learn from Jonathan’s story. Be aware, be diligent, and remember that God is faithful and merciful when we fall short.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

A PAYH Success story

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Billy

Before coming to the Paul Anderson Youth Home (PAYH) at age 18, Billy was a drug addict, an alcoholic, and was being held in jail on two counts of burglary, two DUI’s, fleeing an officer, and five other misdemeanors. Statistically, Billy’s future was a life of incarceration, addiction, unemployment, limited education, and unhealthy family patterns. Instead, almost 25 years later, Billy is now a husband, father of three, college graduate with an MBA, and an Owner/Operator of a Chick-fil-A. That is a radical change from the young man who ran away from his home at the age of 16.

When Billy ran away from home, it was because he never really felt loved by his parents. He never believed anything good about himself nor was confident that he could accomplish anything. His actions followed his beliefs. He became a high school dropout, lived on the street, and literally slept on the side of the road for four months. It seemed that if he drank enough, he could sleep anywhere. He would rather be high and hungry than sober and full. The only joy he knew came from drugs and that was okay with him. He believed this about life: in this world, you have to take what you want.

LOOKING IN THE MIRROR Coming to the PAYH was a radical departure from the life he had been living of breaking into construction sites so that he could find buildings to sleep in, stealing food and living with no authority but his own. From his first morning when he woke up at 6am to run, along with new rules, expectations and strict discipline the transition was not easy. Slowly he began to change in ways he had not expected. One night, after he had been in the program for several months, Billy looked at his reflection in the gym mirror.

At the Home he had been exercising, working out, eating right and had a brand new wardrobe. Seeing himself in the mirror that night, for the first time in his life he thought, “I might go to college.” He had a new sense of hope. After all, he had changed physically in ways that he had never dreamed possible. He was in the best physical shape of his life. He was off drugs and alcohol. He felt like a new man.

As he began to consider all the things the PAYH provided for him, the opportunities he had for change, growth and hope, he realized that everything the staff did with and for him was for his own good, and it was working. Instead of a lengthy jail sentence, he had learned to work, study, get in shape, act socially, and become disciplined in every aspect of his life. What he had been taught was making him better and he liked himself for the very first time. So he began to really pay attention to what the program offered him and what the staff was saying to him. He began to ask questions. Soon, he accepted Christ as his savior. On July 25, 1990, Billy graduated from the Paul Anderson Youth Home and headed off to college.

The year and a half at the PAYH made an eternal difference in his life and others. Going from a high school dropout to a college graduate with a Master’s degree is by all definitions, a radical change. Certainly the long-term financial value of rescuing one life is significant. A Vanderbilt study places the value of rescuing a youth like Billy between $3.1 and $5.2 million dollars. While that number is staggering, it doesn’t compare to the real impact that one changed life can have on others. Billy is a sterling example of this truth. For all those who Billy knows and loves, they understand his real value far more than any number can adequately measure. While working at Chick-fil-A in Boston, he met and eventually married Christine. They have been married since 2002 and together they have three beautiful children; Aron, Roby, and Paige. As a father, Billy intentionally raises his children to know they are loved. He works to maintain a feeling of safety and confidence in his home so that his wife and children never have to experience the insecurity he felt growing up. His life is motivated by love.

Those he leads at work see the same motivation in his actions. As an Owner/Operator for Chick-fil-A, at any given time, he has around seventy employees working for him. It only takes a few brief moments with his team members to realize Billy is an exceptional man. More than just a boss, Billy knows and cares about his employees. More than fifteen years after he began managing employees in Boston, many of those he hired, only sixteen or seventeen years old at the time, still keep in touch with Billy. They still call him the greatest boss ever. Recently, when he moved to a new store, many of his employees from his old store followed him. To them, he is much more than just a boss. He is a father figure and a friend, someone they depend on for advice. Someone they trust to care. Those Chick-fil-A team members have families. Some who have wives, husbands, and children regard Billy as being a part of their family. All of them are impacted by his generous spirit.

It is seeing Billy through their eyes that gives you an idea of just how significant his impact is on others. When you begin to look at the ripple effect that took place in Billy’s life, both within his home and those with he works, you truly get a sense of the immeasurable value of one redeemed life. After having received so much through the kindness of others, Billy knows no other way to live his life than in service. To Billy, caring for people is the ultimate expression of that service and how he lives his life. Billy epitomizes what the PAYH desires for all our young men: that they would be assets to society rather than liabilities. Givers rather than takers. What Billy has learned from his experiences is something he himself feels fortunate to have learned when he did; that it is far better to give than to receive. Change starts with one! One that did not become a statistic, but a husband, father, employer, friend, and mentor.

Together, we can create more opportunities for change for young men like Billy. Make a contribution today that will provide another young man with the opportunity to change his story.

Please go to PAYH at info@payh.org or call 800-559-7294 to make a donation[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Life Skills to Start Teaching Your Kids at an Early Age

Get a jump start on teaching practical lessons to your children right now, starting with decision making and then building on each life skill lesson as your children grow.

1 – Decision-Making Skills

Making good decisions is a life skill every child should begin learning at a young age.

Begin with basic decisions like chocolate versus vanilla ice cream, blue socks or white socks, playing trains or playing cars. When kids reach elementary school age they can begin learning about the rewards of good decisions and the consequences of bad decisions.

Walk them through the many steps of decision making. Help them weigh their options, evaluate the pros and cons of that decision and then let them make the final decision to see how things play out.

2 – Health and Hygiene

Your kids are never too young to begin learning about health and hygiene. In our hectic day-to-day shuffle, we’re always telling our kids to take a bath, brush their teeth, wash their hands, and change their underwear. We never tell them why, though.

Explain why health and hygiene are always going to be crucial parts of their days. As your children begin learning about this life skill, set up a chart that allows them to check off each task as they complete it.

When these healthy habits are established over time, take away the chart and your kids will mentally go through the checklist throughout the day without you having to continually remind them.

3 -Time Management

Every parent knows how important time management is to keep your family on track. But it’s also important for kids to start learning time management lessons now.

Not only does teaching younger children how to measure time, stay on task and keep to a schedule help make your days easier, learning this life skill also helps them become masters of time so they can do everything from get up on schedule to ​someday getting to work on time.

4 – Meal Prep

Even the youngest children can learn how to prepare a meal in the kitchen. We’re not talking about a five-course dinner, of course, but you can teach preschoolers how to fix a sandwich and elementary school kids can be taught how to use the microwave. And from tots to teens, your kids can be your sous chefs when it comes time for you to cook.

As your children become more confident in the kitchen, they can add on other meal prep life skills like learning how to bag their own lunch, make healthy food choices, cook a simple meal on the stove with adult supervision and plan their own meals.​

5 – Money Management

We teach our kids to count. We teach our kids basic math. We can take those lessons further and turn them into life skills they can begin using right now.

Money management is something adults have trouble with. Now’s the perfect time to start teaching your children about money, its importance and how to manage it so they’ll be better prepared when they start earning a paycheck of their own.

Teach your kids effective money management so they can learn how to save, spend wisely, make change, and understand that writing a check or using a credit card isn’t free money.

6 – Cleaning

Sometimes it’s easier for parents to do all of the housekeeping themselves. It’s a missed opportunity for us to teach our kids how to keep the house clean, which they’ll eventually need to know when they leave for college and someday have a house of their own to take care of.

Start with age-appropriate chore charts that include learning how to make the bed, empty the dishwasher and dust. Also, think of the daily messes your kids make and how they can clean up after themselves.

For example, keep a towel or sponge in the bathroom that lets kids wipe away those globs of toothpaste they leave on the counter. Since toys magically move from room to room in your house, keep a basket kids can throw them all in to take back to their own bedroom at the end of the day.

Set a daily housekeeping schedule to make cleaning a part of their routine and stick to it.

7 – Laundry

If you have kids, you have a lot of laundry. Teaching your children how to wash, fold and put away their laundry is not only a life skill that will help them, it will also help you.

Toddlers can learn a lot by helping you with laundry, such as sorting clothes by color and understanding textures. As they grow, kids can start putting the clothes in the washer and transferring them to the dryer. Elementary school children can then learn how to operate the washing machine and dryer and how much laundry detergent is needed.

As laundry comes out of the dryer, you can show them how to fold their clothes and put them away. Pretty soon, they’ll be handling all of their laundry on their own.

8 – Comparison Shopping

“I want it! I want it! I want it!” How many times have you heard this when your kids spot candy, a toy, a T-shirt, a fish, or just about anything else you can think of that kids think they’ve got to have right now?

When we’re grown-ups we understand the value of the dollar and the importance of comparison shopping. However, we often overlook this valuable life skill we should be teaching our children.

The next time you’re standing in the store caught between a hefty price tag and a child demanding for you to fork over your cash, take the time to get your phone out and search for the item on a variety of shopping sites. Show your kids how much that item costs at other stores and what comparable items there are that may be of better quality.

Maybe the one in the store where you are is the best deal and top product after all. But teaching kids to be smart shoppers and taking the time to comparison shop will help them save money everywhere they go while also making smart decisions on the types of products they choose.

9 – Ordering at Restaurants

As parents, we tend to place our children’s orders at restaurants just to make things easier on the server. However, letting our kids order for themselves is fun for them and builds confidence.

Many restaurants have picture menus on the kids’ menu so preschoolers can begin by circling or coloring what they want to eat. As that confidence grows, kids can begin verbally telling the server what they would like, from the entrée to the sides. Remind the kids to practice good manners by saying please and thank you after they order.

10 – Getting Ready

Kids can learn how to get ready on their own at an early age. Let them pick out the clothes they’ll wear the next day before they go to bed. Choose an alarm clock that’s easy for them to set. Lay out their hairbrush and toothbrush. Use visuals to illustrate the whole process.

For example, take a picture of the alarm clock, their clothes, another one of their toothbrush, then hairbrush and even the potty to remind them to go before you head out the door. The pictures are daily flashcards until they get in the habit of getting ready all on their own.​

11 – Maintenance Around the House

Kids love to be your big helper and there’s always light maintenance around the house that they can pitch in to do.

Easy tasks include showing them how to change the toilet paper roll or bag up the trash. Older children can learn how to change a light bulb, unclog a drain and change, the vacuum cleaner bag.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Feelings and Cancer

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]National Cancer institute Visit HERE

Just as cancer affects your physical health, it can bring up a wide range of feelings you’re not used to dealing with. It can also make existing feelings seem more intense. They may change daily, hourly, or even minute to minute. This is true whether you’re currently in treatment, done with treatment, or a friend or family member. These feelings are all normal.

Often the values you grew up with affect how you think about and cope with cancer. For example some people:

Feel they have to be strong and protect their friends and families

Seek support and turn to loved ones or other cancer survivors

Ask for help from counselors or other professionals

Turn to their faith to help them cope

Whatever you decide, it’s important to do what’s right for you and not to compare yourself with others. Your friends and family members may share some of the same feelings. If you feel comfortable, share this information with them.

Overwhelmed

When you first learn that you have cancer, you may feel as if your life is out of control. This could be because:

You wonder if you’re going to live.

Your normal routine is disrupted by doctor visits and treatments.

People use medical terms that you don’t understand.

You feel like you can’t do the things you enjoy.

You feel helpless and lonely.

Even if you feel out of control, there are ways you can take charge. It may help to learn as much as you can about your cancer. The more you know, the more in control you’ll feel. Ask your doctor questions and don’t be afraid to say when you don’t understand.

For some people, it feels better to stay busy. If you have the energy, try taking part in activities such as music, crafts, reading, or learning something new.

Denial

When you were first diagnosed, you may have had trouble believing or accepting the fact that you have cancer. This is called denial. It can be helpful because it can give you time to adjust to your diagnosis. It can also give you time to feel hopeful and better about the future.

Sometimes, denial is a serious problem. If it lasts too long, it can keep you from getting the treatment you need.

The good news is that most people work through denial. Usually by the time treatment begins, most people accept the fact that they have cancer and move forward. This is true for those with cancer as well as the people they love and care about.

Anger

It’s very normal to ask, “Why me?” and be angry at the cancer. You may also feel anger or resentment towards your health care providers, your healthy friends and your loved ones. And if you’re religious, you may even feel angry with God.

Anger often comes from feelings that are hard to show. Common examples are:

-fear

-panic

-frustration

-anxiety

-helplessness

If you feel angry, you don’t have to pretend that everything is okay. It’s not healthy to keep it inside you. Talk with your family and friends about your anger. Or, ask your doctor to refer you to a counselor. And know that anger can be helpful in that it may motivate you to take action.

Fear and Worry

It’s scary to hear that you have cancer. You may be afraid or worried about:

-Being in pain, either from the cancer or the treatment

-Feeling sick or looking different as a result of your treatment

-Taking care of your family

-Paying your bills

-Keeping your job

-Dying

Some fears about cancer are based on stories, rumors, or wrong information. To cope with fears and worries, it often helps to be informed. Most people feel better when they learn the facts. They feel less afraid and know what to expect. Learn about your cancer and understand what you can do to be an active partner in your care. Some studies even suggest that people who are well-informed about their illness and treatment are more likely to follow their treatment plans and recover from cancer more quickly than those who are not.

Hope

Once people accept that they have cancer, they often feel a sense of hope. There are many reasons to feel hopeful. Millions of people who have had cancer are alive today. Your chances of living with cancer—and living beyond it—are better now than they have ever been before. And people with cancer can lead active lives, even during treatment.

Some doctors think that hope may help your body deal with cancer. So, scientists are studying whether a hopeful outlook and positive attitude helps people feel better. Here are some ways you can build your sense of hope:

Plan your days as you’ve always done.

Don’t limit the things you like to do just because you have cancer.

Look for reasons to have hope. If it helps, write them down or talk to others about them.

-Spend time in nature.

-Reflect on your religious or spiritual beliefs.

-Listen to stories about people with cancer who are leading active lives.

Stress and Anxiety

Both during and after treatment, it’s normal to have stress over all the life changes you are going through. Anxiety means you have extra worry, can’t relax, and feel tense. You may notice that:

-Your heart beats faster.

-You have headaches or muscle pains.

-You don’t feel like eating. Or you eat more.

-You feel sick to your stomach or have diarrhea.

-You feel shaky, weak, or dizzy.

-You have a tight feeling in your throat and chest.

-You sleep too much or too little.

-You find it hard to concentrate.

If you have any of these feelings, talk to your doctor. Though they are common signs of stress, you will want to make sure they aren’t due to medicines or treatment.

Stress can keep your body from healing as well as it should.

If you’re worried about your stress, ask your doctor to suggest a counselor for you to talk to. You could also take a class that teaches ways to deal with stress. The key is to find ways to control your stress and not to let it control you.

Sadness and Depression

Many people with cancer feel sad. They feel a sense of loss of their health, and the life they had before they learned they had the disease. Even when you’re done with treatment, you may still feel sad. This is a normal response to any serious illness. It may take time to work through and accept all the changes that are taking place.

When you’re sad, you may have very little energy, feel tired, or not want to eat. For some, these feelings go away or lessen over time. But for others, these emotions can become stronger. The painful feelings don’t get any better, and they get in the way of daily life. This may be a medical condition called depression. For some, cancer treatment may have added to this problem by changing the way the brain works.

Getting Help for Depression

Depression can be treated. Below are common signs of depression. If you have any of the following signs for more than 2 weeks, talk to your doctor about treatment. Be aware that some of these symptoms could be due to physical problems, so it’s important to talk about them with your doctor.

Emotional signs:

-Feelings of sadness that don’t go away

-Feeling emotionally numb

-Feeling nervous or shaky

-Having a sense of guilt or feeling unworthy

-Feeling helpless or hopeless, as if life has no meaning

-Feeling short-tempered, moody

-Having a hard time concentrating, feeling scatterbrained

-Crying for long periods of time or many times each day

-Focusing on worries and problems

-No interest in the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy

-Finding it hard to enjoy everyday things, such as food or being with family and friends

-Thinking about hurting yourself

-Thoughts about killing yourself

Body changes:

-Unintended weight gain or loss not due to illness or treatment

-Sleep problems, such as not being able to sleep, having nightmares, or sleeping too much

-Racing heart, dry mouth, increased perspiration, upset stomach, diarrhea

-Changes in energy level

-Fatigue that doesn’t go away

-Headaches, other aches and pains

If your doctor thinks that you suffer from depression, he or she may give you medicine to help you feel less tense. Or, he or she may refer you to other experts. Don’t feel that you should have to control these feelings on your own. Getting the help you need is important for your life and your health.

Guilt

If you feel guilty, know that many people with cancer feel this way. You may blame yourself for upsetting the people you love, or worry that you’re a burden in some way. Or, you may envy other people’s good health and be ashamed of this feeling. You might even blame yourself for lifestyle choices that you think could have led to your cancer.

These feelings are all very common. It may help you to share them with someone. Let your doctor know if you would like to talk with a counselor or go to a support group.

Loneliness

People with cancer often feel lonely or distant from others. This may be for a number of reasons:

-Friends sometimes have a hard time dealing with cancer and may not visit or call you.

-You may feel too sick to take part in the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy.

-Sometimes, even when you’re with people you care about, you may feel that no one understands what you’re going through.

-It’s also normal to feel alone after treatment. You may miss the support you got from your health care team. Many people have a sense that their safety net has been pulled away, and they get less attention. It’s common to still feel cut off from certain friends or family members. Some of them may think that now that treatment is over, you will be back to normal soon, even though this may not be true. Others may want to help but don’t know how.

Look for emotional support in different ways. It could help you to talk to other people who have cancer or to join a support group. Or, you may feel better talking only to a close friend or family member, or counselor, or a member of your faith or spiritual community. Do what feels right for you.

Gratitude

Some people see their cancer as a “wake-up call.” They realize the importance of enjoying the little things in life. They go places they’ve never been. They finish projects they had started but put aside. They spend more time with friends and family. They mend broken relationships.

It may be hard at first, but you can find joy in your life if you have cancer. Pay attention to the things you do each day that make you smile. They can be as simple as drinking a good cup of coffee, being with a child, or talking to a friend.

You can also do things that are more special to you, like being in nature or praying in a place that has meaning for you. Or, it could be playing a sport you love or cooking a good meal. Whatever you choose, embrace the things that bring you joy when you can.

Ways to Cope with Your Emotions

Express Your Feelings

People have found that when they express strong feelings like anger or sadness, they’re more able to let go of them. Some sort out their feelings by talking to friends or family, other cancer survivors, a support group, or a counselor. But even if you prefer not to discuss your cancer with others, you can still sort out your feelings by thinking about them or writing them down.

Look for the Positive

Sometimes this means looking for the good even in a bad time or trying to be hopeful instead of thinking the worst. Try to use your energy to focus on wellness and what you can do now to stay as healthy as possible.

Don’t Blame Yourself for Your Cancer

Some people believe that they got cancer because of something they did or did not do. But scientists don’t know why one person gets cancer and one person doesn’t. All bodies are different. Remember, cancer can happen to anyone.

Don’t Try to Be Upbeat If You’re Not

Many people say they want to have the freedom to give in to their feelings sometimes. As one woman said, “When it gets really bad, I just tell my family I’m having a bad cancer day and go upstairs and crawl into bed.”

You Choose When to Talk about Your Cancer

It can be hard for people to know how to talk to you about your cancer. Often loved ones mean well, but they don’t know what to say or how to act. You can make them feel more at ease by asking them what they think or how they feel.

Find Ways to Help Yourself Relax

Whatever activity helps you unwind, you should take some time to do it. Meditation, guided imagery, and relaxation exercises are just a few ways that have been shown to help others; these may help you relax when you feel worried.

Be as Active as You Can

Getting out of the house and doing something can help you focus on other things besides cancer and the worries it brings. Exercise or gentle yoga and stretching can help too.

Look for Things You Enjoy

You may like hobbies such as woodworking, photography, reading, or crafts. Or find creative outlets such as art, movies, music, or dance.

Look at What You Can Control

Some people say that putting their lives in order helps. Being involved in your health care, keeping your appointments, and making changes in your lifestyle are among the things you can control. Even setting a daily schedule can give you a sense of control. And while no one can control every thought, some say that they try not to dwell on the fearful ones, but instead do what they can to enjoy the positive parts of life.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]