While not an exhaustive list of parenting styles, I have identified ten of the most common. We never need think that we are “locked in” to a parenting style as each one of us has the opportunity to learn and grow in our job as parents. I highly encourage parents who are struggling, to seek counsel and remember, there is NO SHAME in that. We all need a hand once in a while, even in our parenting. Here they are:

1- Authoritative

This particular style of parenting is perhaps the most rewarding style of all. Authoritative parents are not aggressively punitive but are firm and non-aggressive. They understand the need to teach their child how to adapt to having constructive relationships. They know when to utilize “tough love” when necessary.

They know that by relating to their child in a healthy manner, they can raise children in a healthy manner. They can raise children to grow up to be well-adjusted, independent, and capable of expressing empathy.

2- Authoritarian

“It’s my way or the highway” is the mantra of the authoritarian parent. The “because I told you so” approach. This type of parent is more like a dictator. Instead of using a positive system of rewards and punishment (I prefer the word dicipline), this parent uses punishment to control their children. The emphasis here is on total control.

3- Permissive

The permissive parent struggles to set boundaries for their child. They confuse love with giving their child everything. They unwittingly give their child control over them by succumbing to the idea that they NEED their child to approve of them as parents. These children often become spoiled, self-absorbed, and develop a sense of entitlement. When the child doesn’t get their way, they throw tantrums and make life difficult for others.

4- Neglectful

This kind of parent is self-absorbed and deprive their child of any real parenting. They can become workaholics and do not find time to even parent their child. In essence, they turn the parenting of their child over to the culture around them. These children struggle to navigate the complexities of life and have little if no sense of who they are. These children become quite needy and lack confidence and self-esteem.

5- Overprotective

These type of parents mean well but are really acting out of their own unconscious insecurities. Their children struggle to learn from their own mistakes or develop confidence in themselves. Their children can grow up full of anxiety and fear. The child of the over-protective parent has serious problems with developing healthy coping skills.

6- Narcissistic

Instead of being there for their children, the narcissist trains their child to serve their needs. The child will face the parents “wrath” if the parent does not hear what they want to hear. This truly robs a child of their own individuality. Sometimes the child has to play the role of parent to the narcissist. These children grow up needy and lost.

7- Polarized

This type of parent teaches children manipulation. One parent may be permissive while the other may be authoritarian. They are usually at odds with one another. There becomes a perpetual battle on how to parent. Children will learn how to manipulate their parents under this style of parenting. Children will usually side with the permissive parent in order to get their way. The path of least resistance is no resistance at all ! The danger is that the child will have no idea how to have healthy relationships or develop constructive communication skills.

8- Dependent

This parent conditions their child to be totally dependent on them. They don’t want their child to be independent or “let them go”.  They “guilt trip” their child and make it very comfortable for them to stay at home. They “infantize” their child and make them feel like they can’t make it on their own. This can create a co-dependent parent/child relationship. These children will usually wind up with low self-esteem and cannot assert themselves.

9- Isolated

These parents don’t know how to relate to others around them in their community. They have the same problem with their friends and relatives. Many isolated parents are single parents. Their children feel isolated also and do not learn to relate to others. The isolated, single parent often sinks into a severe depression that makes the task of parenting a major challenge.

10- TOXIC

These are absolutely the worst kind of parents. In addition to being one of the aforementioned parents, this one presents themselves as loving and normal while hiding their “venom” from others. Unfortunately, children of toxic parents don’t know whats happening to them until much later. These children can become weak willed and often shy. The toxic parent will often “laugh” at their childs life issues, instilling a sense of insecurity that will often last a lifetime !

There are certainly other types of parenting lifestyles, some good, some bad. The important thing to keep in mind is that a parent “chooses” to bring a child into this world and should act responsibly in raising them. When you choose to have a baby, you need to accept that for at least 18 years, your life will no longer be “about you!”  If you cannot humbly accept that fact, you have no business having children. Children are a gift from God and should be cherished as such. The bible says to “train up a child in the way he should go,” which indicates we are to focus on teaching them the necessary skills to live a productive life and honor the God who created us all.  Which kind of parent are YOU ?

It’s rare for parents today to not experience some internal struggle about navigating kids and technology. Most of us understand that some experts are concerned about the overuse of screens. The effects of technology on children and society requires more research. But we also recognize that technology has become so commonplace that it’s hard to discern what the real danger is or what to do about it now, as facts are still being gathered.

It’s easy to get caught up in all the conflicting opinions. Here are 6 lies parents believe about technology and kids, and how this knowledge can help parents make wise decisions in a digital age.

Lie #1: Technology will strengthen my child’s friendships.

Many of us are taken in by technology’s promise to keep us connected. We praise the benefits of texting, video chatting, and social media, yet our real-world connections wane. Genuine friendships take time, energy, and investment to cultivate. Online connections may enhance real-world relationships, but they can never replace them.

If you want your kids to have a healthy social life, give them opportunities to socialize away from technology interruptions, encourage face-to-face interactions, and model healthy friendships of your own.

Online connections may enhance real-world relationships, but they can never replace them.

Lie #2: Technology will help my child get ahead academically.

Schools are increasingly adding technology to the classroom, but beware of claims that a tablet or laptop in your child’s classroom will make them the next Einstein. Tech in the classroom hasn’t been around long enough to warrant credible claims that it enhances learning. However, mounting research suggests technology actually inhibits learning. It increases distractions, over-burdens children’s central nervous systems, and widens the achievement gap.

Many software programs our children learn today will be obsolete by the time they graduate. However, skills like problem-solving, deep thinking and self-regulation are the bedrocks of a lifetime of learning, and these are cultivated best through real-world experiences.

Lie #3: Young kids need to unplug more than teens.

As tweens and teens gain independence, parents sometimes forget they still need the security of strong familial connections. Adolescents’ brains are in rapid growth mode. Trading real-life relationships for online interactions pose a real hazard to their health. Older kids need exercise, time outside, and social and family interactions to keep them grounded. Encourage your teen to form a healthy identity, stay connected, be involved, and make sure they maintain a solid footing in the real world.

Lie #4: The amount of time spent on screens doesn’t matter as long as the content is good.

Educational apps and creative games may seem innocuous, but they create stimulation that hampers learning and fosters dependence. Content does matter, but so does the way that content is delivered. Pay attention to the time your child spends on a device and be sure most of their day takes place in the physical world, not a digital one.

Lie #5: Tech interests are the same as any other hobby.

We like to think that our kids’ interest in screens is like their love of animals or music. But most kids don’t use their devices because they want to be programmers one day. Screen technology is designed to draw people in and keep them hooked, making it ripe for overuse and abuse. Real world pursuits don’t threaten healthy sleep cycles or create anxiety in their absence, nor do they pose a risk to cognitive development like screens do. If your child has a hard time putting their device down or finding other interests, it may be time for some stricter limits.

Lie #6: Technology is everywhere; it’s useless for me to try to limit my kids’ use.

As kids get older, pressure mounts to get them their own device. And with little ones, the freedom a parent enjoys by allowing their toddler to play on a screen is undeniable. But resisting technology’s pull is still possible and is more important than ever. Decisions you make today to protect your children’s growing brains will pay dividends in the future. My ten-year-olds interact with tech regularly at school and at home, but they still spend more time reading and playing with friends than they do on electronics. It can be done. Down the road, you and your kids will be grateful for the intervention.