Having a Covenant Relationship with Your Child

A covenant is defined as an agreement or contract between two or more parties where they agree to do or not do something. Both parties have clear obligations and responsibilities.  There are several famous covenants expressed in the bible. There was God and Noah, God and Abraham, God and Moses, all pointing us to the most important covenant of all. That covenant is between God and ALL people through His son Jesus Christ.

What about the relationship between us and our children?   Our kids are growing up in an ever-increasing secular world where values, Christian values, are under constant attack. If we are to guide our children through this jungle of distortion, we need a set of hard and fast rules to live by. We need to agree that there is a standard to uphold. We could write them down on stone tablets or we could use an almost forgotten way to communicate, “Sit down at the table and engage one another!”

We need to sit down, discuss our goals as a family and document them in writing. We need to establish a set of values that we as a family can agree to. Here is my list of suggestions in drafting a covenant.

1. Accept one another-   We must become good listeners. We must be willing to hear each other out without becoming judgmental or shutting each other down without a hearing. We must truly listen to one another and value one another as an important part of our family.

2. Be available-   We will agree to unplug from the world and give each other sufficient quality time. We will be totally present in each others company .

3. Be supportive-   We will take care of each other and help each other with our daily tasks when needed. We must encourage one another and affirm each other DAILY!

4. Be honest-   We will learn to trust one another because trust is vital in developing a strong covenant. If we are truthful with one another, our covenant relationship will have a strong foundation. If we lose trust in one another, our covenant may fall apart and regaining our trust will be difficult. We must not lie to one another.

5. Be respectful-   We will respect each others position in the family. As the parent, I am the authority figure with the RESPONSIBILITY of leading you with your best interest at heart. You must respect my leadership. I must respect you as the gift that you are and the blessing you bring to our family. Your feelings and opinions matter to this family.

6. Show honor-   Our family honor will reflect our relationship with our heavenly father.You are just as important to this family as I am.  We will honor each other in mind, body, soul, and spirit

7. Understand there are consequences-   We will agree that failure to honor our covenant will include consequences. We will love one another enough to set boundaries and righteously deal with our failures to uphold our covenant.

 

“There are three key principles that we should keep in mind in drafting our covenant.”

1. Unconditional love-   We must assure our children that they are loved every day regardless of how they “perform.”  They must also understand that this type of love does not condone bad behavior. We must be willing to discipline them accordingly. The writer of Hebrews 12:11 says, “For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness by those who have been trained by it.”  Righteous discipline is Love!
2. Reliability-   We MUST be there for our children no matter what. When we combine unconditional love and reliability, that strong trust previously mentioned will be established.
3. Honesty-   I must stress once again the importance of honesty. If you expect your child to be totally honest with you, you need to first be honest with them. It means you must admit your mistakes and apologize for them. Sometimes it means sharing your deepest hurts. This kind of transparency will make you seem real and relevant to their life experiences. We must of course consider their maturity level and only share what they are capable of processing in their young minds.

A covenant relationship is binding.  I recommend putting some serious thought and prayer into drafting your own family covenant. Know the strength’s and weaknesses of each member before finalizing your draft. Make it both practical and realistic. Don’t make vows or set rules that you are not willing to live by yourself or enforce on your family.

Most importantly, include God and seek His will for your family before writing up your covenant. I also suggest a family meeting to discuss the issues you will include and explore your families hearts ahead of time.   I am sure that even your “little ones” have something of value to “bring to the table.”