While not an exhaustive list of parenting styles, I have identified ten of the most common. We never need think that we are “locked in” to a parenting style as each one of us has the opportunity to learn and grow in our job as parents. I highly encourage parents who are struggling, to seek counsel and remember, there is NO SHAME in that. We all need a hand once in a while, even in our parenting. Here they are:
1- Authoritative
This particular style of parenting is perhaps the most rewarding style of all. Authoritative parents are not aggressively punitive but are firm and non-aggressive. They understand the need to teach their child how to adapt to having constructive relationships. They know when to utilize “tough love” when necessary.
They know that by relating to their child in a healthy manner, they can raise children in a healthy manner. They can raise children to grow up to be well-adjusted, independent, and capable of expressing empathy.
2- Authoritarian
“It’s my way or the highway” is the mantra of the authoritarian parent. The “because I told you so” approach. This type of parent is more like a dictator. Instead of using a positive system of rewards and punishment (I prefer the word dicipline), this parent uses punishment to control their children. The emphasis here is on total control.
3- Permissive
The permissive parent struggles to set boundaries for their child. They confuse love with giving their child everything. They unwittingly give their child control over them by succumbing to the idea that they NEED their child to approve of them as parents. These children often become spoiled, self-absorbed, and develop a sense of entitlement. When the child doesn’t get their way, they throw tantrums and make life difficult for others.
4- Neglectful
This kind of parent is self-absorbed and deprive their child of any real parenting. They can become workaholics and do not find time to even parent their child. In essence, they turn the parenting of their child over to the culture around them. These children struggle to navigate the complexities of life and have little if no sense of who they are. These children become quite needy and lack confidence and self-esteem.
5- Overprotective
These type of parents mean well but are really acting out of their own unconscious insecurities. Their children struggle to learn from their own mistakes or develop confidence in themselves. Their children can grow up full of anxiety and fear. The child of the over-protective parent has serious problems with developing healthy coping skills.
6- Narcissistic
Instead of being there for their children, the narcissist trains their child to serve their needs. The child will face the parents “wrath” if the parent does not hear what they want to hear. This truly robs a child of their own individuality. Sometimes the child has to play the role of parent to the narcissist. These children grow up needy and lost.
7- Polarized
This type of parent teaches children manipulation. One parent may be permissive while the other may be authoritarian. They are usually at odds with one another. There becomes a perpetual battle on how to parent. Children will learn how to manipulate their parents under this style of parenting. Children will usually side with the permissive parent in order to get their way. The path of least resistance is no resistance at all ! The danger is that the child will have no idea how to have healthy relationships or develop constructive communication skills.
8- Dependent
This parent conditions their child to be totally dependent on them. They don’t want their child to be independent or “let them go”. They “guilt trip” their child and make it very comfortable for them to stay at home. They “infantize” their child and make them feel like they can’t make it on their own. This can create a co-dependent parent/child relationship. These children will usually wind up with low self-esteem and cannot assert themselves.
9- Isolated
These parents don’t know how to relate to others around them in their community. They have the same problem with their friends and relatives. Many isolated parents are single parents. Their children feel isolated also and do not learn to relate to others. The isolated, single parent often sinks into a severe depression that makes the task of parenting a major challenge.
10- TOXIC
These are absolutely the worst kind of parents. In addition to being one of the aforementioned parents, this one presents themselves as loving and normal while hiding their “venom” from others. Unfortunately, children of toxic parents don’t know whats happening to them until much later. These children can become weak willed and often shy. The toxic parent will often “laugh” at their childs life issues, instilling a sense of insecurity that will often last a lifetime !
There are certainly other types of parenting lifestyles, some good, some bad. The important thing to keep in mind is that a parent “chooses” to bring a child into this world and should act responsibly in raising them. When you choose to have a baby, you need to accept that for at least 18 years, your life will no longer be “about you!” If you cannot humbly accept that fact, you have no business having children. Children are a gift from God and should be cherished as such. The bible says to “train up a child in the way he should go,” which indicates we are to focus on teaching them the necessary skills to live a productive life and honor the God who created us all. Which kind of parent are YOU ?
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